ADVENTURES OF 2 GUYS, 1 GIRL AND A PET HAMSTER

Your goal is to love someone as hard as you can for 5 minutes.

omgitsjosie — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:50:42 +0800

Your goal is to love someone as hard as you can for 5 minutes.

Why I can’t date a Redditor even though I want to.

omgitsjosie — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 16:33:54 +0800

Why I can’t date a Redditor even though I want to.

come on. i wasnt a jerk for leaving if youd cut your hair. if you had the pink bits then though i wouldve stayed.

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 16:52:59 +0800

I highly doubt you are who I think you are but I giggled. Touche!
(Context here)

"This is it, you find people who don’t make you jump through hoops and you hang onto them."

omgitsjosie — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 16:44:11 +0800

“This is it, you find people who don’t make you jump through hoops and you hang onto them.”

So it’s been a while and I have a back-log of half drafted...

omgitsjosie — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 22:59:08 +0800

So it’s been a while and I have a back-log of half drafted posts for the 2G1G1H blog that I’d been meaning to finish…but I’ve really just been lazy as fuck.

In the mean time, here are some photos of the meals I’ve been whipping up. I’ve been Martha Stewarting the crap out of my kitchen.

If you love them, leave them to die

omgitsjosie — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 01:25:00 +0800

I’ve been a little preoccupied with a see-saw of emotions lately and nothing I’ve been doing is helping…it could be because all I’ve been doing is not dealing with this pandora’s box of feelings, staying in wrecked with cabin fever and listening to fucking Bon Iver on repeat.

Is this about a boy?

Of course it’s about a boy.

It’s always about a bloody boy.

If this was a teen movie, everyone would be rooting for us. But it isn’t and I will most likely be spending my time feeling sad and eating ice cream and waiting for you to call just so I can see your stupid face for an hour. So here it is…

10 things you should avoid doing with someone who will eventually be leaving you aka fraternizing with the Enemy:

Having abnormally long text conversations about everything and nothing
Ordering Sambuca shots, dancing like no one’s watching till the lights come on and then deciding on a regrettable place to carry on partying
Kissing in a stale smoking box behind the DJ consoles at a dingy tranny bar
Letting them eat pizza in bed so the crumbs, OH THE CRUMBS, are every where
Making over-ambitious breakfasts for them, whilst still hungover in the morning
Cleaning the dishes in their sink without grumbling
Watching their favorite TV while cuddling even though your fat head weighs roughly a thousand kilograms
Not kicking them out of bed, holding hands and falling asleep, despite it being mid-day and most respectable people are not napping under the sheets
Wear your heart on your sleeve like it’s the next IT thing

and of course, the one thing that you should never do, under absolutely no condition whatsoever, avoid avoid avoid with the same sort of persistence as the bubonic plague or things just as terrifying :

Like-like this weird, insane, amazing person you just spent all that time with a little too much than you should be.

What's the word that's burning in your heart?

omgitsjosie — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:09:00 +0800

I apologize for my absence: my life had been temporarily consumed by work, love and other disasters. In truth I didn’t think I would take this blog very far, given my attention span akin to a park squirrel so let’s just celebrate the fact that I haven’t forgotten my tumblr account password just yet.

How was the beginning of 2012 for you? Mine was spent with home made cous cous (the food so nice they named it twice), red wine and a bittersweet symphony. I avoided making sweeping reflections of 2011 largely because I wasn’t really keen on sleeping on a damp pillow last evening. Besides, I’m Chinese - 1st of January means nothing to me and my hokkien sea god praying; we’re all about hot pot and fire crackers and pilial fiety on the 23rd of January.

Have you made your new year resolutions? Get fit, eat healthy, quit drinking, stop playing World of Warcraft, be an adult, stop smoking, work harder in the office, work a little less, stop forgetting to do the laundry, learn to cook, be nicer to your family and friends, read, pick up a new hobby, live a little, love a little?

Ça ne fait rien, mon chouchou - it’s all bullshit. There isn’t some sort of binding magic to the promises that you make at the start of a calendar year; such sorcery simply does not exists.

Short of people who live in their own distorted sense of faux reality (I am truly sorry), most of us are intelligent, sentient beings - if you cared, and I mean, really really gave two shits, wouldn’t you have bucked the fuck up, grown a pair and done something about it a long time ago?

If you really have to start the year with something, it should really be only one thing: stop making empty promises and unattainable goals that you know you’ll never keep. Shut up and stop talking. Do something. Do anything.

It’s nice to kick off 2012 with pessimism: my favorite part about resolutions is breaking them to bits. Have a great year ahead kiddies.

Caesar needs this in his life.

omgitsjosie — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 13:33:21 +0800

Caesar needs this in his life.

My first iMovie Video excited Sunny summer vacation days in...

omgitsjosie — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:49:00 +0800

My first iMovie Video *excited*

Sunny summer vacation days in Goa, where everything was perfectly magical and nothing was blue. Ahhh, to be young and in love!

Enjoy my terrible editing skills.

Human Centipede 3: The Wilkiepede That is not an image of a...

omgitsjosie — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:00:00 +0800

Human Centipede 3: The Wilkiepede

That is not an image of a skinny turd next to our toilet brush.

Unsurprisingly, I am more terrified of our nasty bathroom floor than I am of the creepy crawly. We are convinced we are hosting an entire family.

God help us all.

The one where my flatmate's girlfriend nearly gets arrested

omgitsjosie — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 02:03:00 +0800

So I’ve been away for a while largely because of this terrible sickness. My medication’s adverse effects include excitation and mental confusion so Imma just go ahead and blame my crippling laziness on it. The disease has also reduced me to violent hacking - I swear yesterday a little bit of my lung fell out of my mouth. As a result, I’ve had to re-schedule dates because the only thing sexy about having the cold is greasing Vaporub over your chest.

Not quite as raspy as Selma Simpson but isn’t she such an motivation to quit smoking?

Nothing new to update in my life except for re-acquaintances of pleasant strangers so let’s move on to tales of the 2G1G1H apartment.

This afternoon, our pad was graced by the presence of two friendly policemen as an indirect result of my actions. I wasn’t present but if I had to guess why they were here without fully understanding the situation, it would largely be because of the hallway’s atrocious assault on my nose. No seriously. Damp shoes and carpeting smell like a murder scene of wet puppies. If only Tumblr had a upload function which included Scratch & Sniff…

But on to how I nearly got my flatmate’s girlfriend arrested, let’s call her S.

If you’re living in Singapore, you would probably already realized that tis the season for flash floods and fuck cats & dogs, today it was raining a menagerie of animals. S rings me mid-day because she’s outside the apartment and seeing as to how she doesn’t have a buzzer to the gate, she’s stuck outside getting raped by the wet weather. Unfortunately I was out so clever Josie tells her to shimmy over our gate which has worked for our friends in the past…which she does.

Unfortunately, unlike Antoine Dodson’s bed intruder, in the process of climbing over the wall, she gets caught by a lady in our apartment’s landowner committee. The poor chica gets her soggy ass hauled and lectured whilst looking like a drowned rat. She gets into the house but 45 minutes later the cops come a-knockin’ at our door. I am sure our brave policemen rolled their eyes uncontrollably whilst receiving the complaint (#firstworldproblems, much?) but seeing as to how there wasn’t another dead body at Bedok Reservoir to tend to, I’m guessing they just had to answer her distress call.

The popo were nice about it and issued S a trespassing warning so no harm was done. Although I am guessing this is the last time she will turn to me for advice of any nature.

Just a regular day at the 2G1G1H apartment where the cops show up…have a great week ahead you guys!

Edit: I have just been informed that it was 4 friendly policemen, not 2.

Photo

omgitsjosie — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 15:43:26 +0800

"@synecdoched: @omgitsjosie I just found out that Caesar, in all likelihood, practises coprophagia:..."

omgitsjosie — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:16:00 +0800

“@synecdoched: @omgitsjosie I just found out that Caesar, in all likelihood, practises coprophagia: http://t.co/zdrv5yGC”

- Great. So apparently my clever hamster likes eating his own poop. Meh - I guess this means I can start feeding him less food then.

This short clip pretty much sums up what it’s like to live...

omgitsjosie — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 00:32:00 +0800

This short clip pretty much sums up what it’s like to live in the 2 Guys, A Girl and A Pet Hamster house.

In case you missed it, that’s a video of the former flatmate sawing a plank of wood in the living room as the rest of the boys watch a guitar solo demo too loudly on the TV.

This all took place on my first night in the apartment. And yes, it’s too late to move out now.

Sorry you didn't attend my Halloween party I didn't invite you to.

omgitsjosie — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:19:00 +0800

Feeling mildly obligated to do a quick update because I haven’t posted in a while. As it is almost 2 am, please expect the quality of this post to be more mediocre than it usually gets.

I’d like to think The Human Centipede 3 themed Halloween party I threw almost a success. Not quite an almost 200 attendee-esque bash like the last time but there were no casualties save for the standing fan (the decorative cob webs got caught in the blades and fried the motor) and the AC that we are now unable to switch on. It is unlikely that the electronics in the house will be performing a Skynet uprising anytime soon.

My costume was surprisingly tame even though I wasn’t wearing any pants - so much for all that talk about being a slutty _____. I had 2 costume changes. Liza Minnelli’s cabaret would have been so proud.

Hipster totoro in a love gun dress (not pictured: large furry paws I had to embarrassingly purchase from a cosplay shop) for the house party.

A sunflower to match my new bff’s creepy zombie get up. If you didn’t get that, I don’t think we can be friends.

Anyway, I’m not sure I can call him my bff yet seeing as to how we’ve only known each other for slightly over a month but it feels like I’ve known him since forever. He is amazing, special and full of the kind of awesomeness you’d be hard pressed to find. Chaddar Cheese, I hope you know that meeting you was like finding the secret toy at the bottom of a box of breakfast cereal. You are the MSG seasoning to my cup of instant ramen, the ingredient X to my ho-hum kimchi noodles… the flavor to my life!

I’m still recovering from this weekend’s partying but I will be back soon. I think Caesar the pet hamster is feeling a little left out of the limelight so stay tuned for a post on my favorite silly critter soon!

cosmo sex tip #666

omgitsjosie — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 12:43:58 +0800

rappinpicard:

when he’s least expecting it, carve a pentagram in his chest and begin summoning satan

I'm a mouse, duh!

omgitsjosie — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 21:16:17 +0800

Halloween is the one time a year a girl gets to dress like a complete slut and no other girls can say anything about it. Not that I’m going to be dressed as a hooker - if anything, I’m more like a classy prostitute. The kind that would hang outside of INSEAD with a book.

Three years ago, I dressed up as the Afghan Girl, with my National Geographic frame in tow. I found out that wearing a burkha and a baju kurung not only makes for extremely challenging dance moves, but also… doesn’t get you any action. This year however, I am determined to inject a little smutty fun with an intelligent costume and what better way to decide what I’ll be wearing for Halloween than to crowdsource for it.

So tell me kind folks of the interwebs, short of animal ears and lingerie, what else could I come as for All Hallow’s Eve?

All I need in this life of Sin

omgitsjosie — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 05:28:00 +0800

Because I have effectively made an enemy out of my liver and wallet, the usual weekend debauchery has been interrupted by this evening’s Monopoly night, tomorrow’s kiteflying and a Sunday mid-morning picnic date at the park with pate, cheese, ham, petite baguettes and strawberries.

I’m a little scared because it really doesn’t get any better does it?

I might not have the sort of luck that has me winning the lottery but the right people have always managed to appear in my life at the right time. If a higher power does exists, this would be it. Just the icing on the cake that is already made of the awesomeness of my best buddies.

This post is a little pointless but Friday has just winded down, the 2G1G1H apartment is in a little bit of a mess, I’m tucked in bed and cuddled between the sheets and in one of those moods where I never want to lose this feeling. My mind is drawing slightly to a blank because it is 5.30 in the morning but I will say this…

Hungry Kids from Hungary

omgitsjosie — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:28:00 +0800

Today in the mad hi-jinks of 2 guys, A girl & A Pet Hamster, the boys and I clear the refridgerator out!

Always an exciting adventure when you have flatmates that are irregular cooks with a non-existent nasal radar to bad smells. I’m no Monica Gellar and I have had my fair share of sick moments (the people I’ve lived with before can attest to this) but this…was pretty gross. We’ve cleared it out mostly but the kitchen still smells like a used diaper full of indian food. The images that follow might disturb some:

The Great Fridge Freshen Up of 2011 began because a mate of ours had seen this bloated packet of milk hang out in our shelf continuously for 2 weeks. Yoghurt anyone? I tried getting him to eat it but couldn’t rally enough money to make it happen. Sad.

Surprises await in the form of a plate!

Old sausages. And in case you were wondering, they had not prepared ‘sauce’ to go along with it. Leaky rotting meat juice is so yummy!

Mushrooms in a cracked container that leaked all over a shelf. At least, I’m really hoping the mushrooms were already in there from before.

And to clear the stank, a spritz of Spiderman cologne!

No, just kidding. The perfume bottle was empty. Either I’m living with a pedophile or someone actually used this for special occasions. This will be a good time to inform my readers that both boys have hot girlfriends. combatbrodom there’s still hope for you after all, hang in there!

Monopoly night tomorrow with cool cats, it’s gonna be so rad. I’m out!

If your relationship is not on Facebook, it doesn't exist.

omgitsjosie — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0800

Mark Zuckerberg will never be able to comprehend the extent of disruption he caused when he created Facebook. Not because The Man has raped social media for all it’s worth to sell you more things you don’t need. It’s because he single-handedly made being newly Single so much harder than it already is.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think social media kills personal relationships. From flirting on your Wall through inside jokes & secrets, making your relationship ‘Facebook Official’ to publicly declaring your undying adoration for each other in a profile picture, it’s all fun, games, shits and giggles until your happiness ends in tears and you have to deal with the horrible fallout from changing your status back to ‘Single’. And let’s not forget intrusive jerkoffs commenting on the fact that you are now alone, or starting awkward conversations with people in real life because you don’t have to tell them…they already know.

Post-break up, you can be sure to cue the passive aggressive, overly cryptic updates and flurry of party photos with attractive strangers because “Look at me! I’m having a good time - I don’t need you in my life!”. I’ll come clean. This was me 2 years ago. Over-dramatic swings of emotion, a word vomit of verbalized feelings…”I don’t love you anymore, goodbye” for one minute and “What went wrong? I gave you everything!” a second later.

Which leads me to… the obsessive cyber-stalking of your former partner’s profile. It was like a sickness that consumed me. Wow, if they gave out awards for how many times you refreshed a person’s wall, I would have won a couple of trophies (or digital restraining orders). I’d like to think I was pretty skilled in the game of ‘Let’s obsessively speculate who your ex is currently having sex with” or “This bitch is a new friend and is commenting on their Wall - they must be in love!”…the latter unfortunately becoming true in the case of a past lover.

And just think, all of this could have been prevented if we had never turned on the ‘we’re in a relationship’ switch. But you know what they say, if it ain’t on Facebook, it doesn’t exist.

This time around, lines have been drawn and things have remained civil. I am, after all, 24 months wiser. On most days I possess the will power to prevent myself from lingering over his profile page but the occasional update still catches my eye (damn you News Feed!)

It’s been a month and a half now…and I’m happy to say I’ve made it thus far without engaging in any unhealthy online behavior.

But Mark? It’s still hard and I blame you for all of it.

ADVENTURES OF 2 GUYS, 1 GIRL AND A PET HAMSTER

Your goal is to love someone as hard as you can for 5 minutes.

Why I can’t date a Redditor even though I want to.

come on. i wasnt a jerk for leaving if youd cut your hair. if you had the pink bits then though i wouldve stayed.

"This is it, you find people who don’t make you jump through hoops and you hang onto them."

So it’s been a while and I have a back-log of half drafted...

If you love them, leave them to die

What's the word that's burning in your heart?

Caesar needs this in his life.

My first iMovie Video *excited* Sunny summer vacation days in...

Human Centipede 3: The Wilkiepede That is not an image of a...

The one where my flatmate's girlfriend nearly gets arrested

Photo

"@synecdoched: @omgitsjosie I just found out that Caesar, in all likelihood, practises coprophagia:..."

This short clip pretty much sums up what it’s like to live...

Sorry you didn't attend my Halloween party I didn't invite you to.

cosmo sex tip #666

I'm a mouse, duh!

All I need in this life of Sin

Hungry Kids from Hungary

If your relationship is not on Facebook, it doesn't exist.

My first iMovie Video excited Sunny summer vacation days in...