ADVENTURES OF 2 GUYS, 1 GIRL AND A PET HAMSTER

I’ve been a little preoccupied with a see-saw of emotions lately and nothing I’ve been doing is helping…it could be because all I’ve been doing is not dealing with this pandora’s box of feelings, staying in wrecked with cabin fever and listening to fucking Bon Iver on repeat.

Is this about a boy?

Of course it’s about a boy.

It’s always about a bloody boy.

If this was a teen movie, everyone would be rooting for us. But it isn’t and I will most likely be spending my time feeling sad and eating ice cream and waiting for you to call just so I can see your stupid face for an hour. So here it is…

10 things you should avoid doing with someone who will eventually be leaving you aka fraternizing with the Enemy:

• Having abnormally long text conversations about everything and nothing
• Ordering Sambuca shots, dancing like no one’s watching till the lights come on and then deciding on a regrettable place to carry on partying
• Kissing in a stale smoking box behind the DJ consoles at a dingy tranny bar
• Letting them eat pizza in bed so the crumbs, OH THE CRUMBS, are every where
• Making over-ambitious breakfasts for them, whilst still hungover in the morning
• Cleaning the dishes in their sink without grumbling
• Watching their favorite TV while cuddling even though your fat head weighs roughly a thousand kilograms
• Not kicking them out of bed, holding hands and falling asleep, despite it being mid-day and most respectable people are not napping under the sheets
• Wear your heart on your sleeve like it’s the next IT thing

and of course, the one thing that you should never do, under absolutely no condition whatsoever, avoid avoid avoid with the same sort of persistence as the bubonic plague or things just as terrifying :

Like-like this weird, insane, amazing person you just spent all that time with a little too much than you should be.

I apologize for my absence: my life had been temporarily consumed by work, love and other disasters. In truth I didn’t think I would take this blog very far, given my attention span akin to a park squirrel so let’s just celebrate the fact that I haven’t forgotten my tumblr account password just yet.

How was the beginning of 2012 for you? Mine was spent with home made cous cous (the food so nice they named it twice), red wine and a bittersweet symphony. I avoided making sweeping reflections of 2011 largely because I wasn’t really keen on sleeping on a damp pillow last evening. Besides, I’m Chinese - 1st of January means nothing to me and my hokkien sea god praying; we’re all about hot pot and fire crackers and pilial fiety on the 23rd of January.

Have you made your new year resolutions? Get fit, eat healthy, quit drinking, stop playing World of Warcraft, be an adult, stop smoking, work harder in the office, work a little less, stop forgetting to do the laundry, learn to cook, be nicer to your family and friends, read, pick up a new hobby, live a little, love a little?

Ça ne fait rien, mon chouchou - it’s all bullshit. There isn’t some sort of binding magic to the promises that you make at the start of a calendar year; such sorcery simply does not exists.

Short of people who live in their own distorted sense of faux reality (I am truly sorry), most of us are intelligent, sentient beings - if you cared, and I mean, really really gave two shits, wouldn’t you have bucked the fuck up, grown a pair and done something about it a long time ago?

If you really have to start the year with something, it should really be only one thing: stop making empty promises and unattainable goals that you know you’ll never keep. Shut up and stop talking. Do something. Do anything.

It’s nice to kick off 2012 with pessimism: my favorite part about resolutions is breaking them to bits. Have a great year ahead kiddies.